Just Focus

Everybody has some skeletons in the closet and more or less internal issues to deal with. Consequently, people face them in many different ways and as life is made of various cycles, all the several methods applied vary during our adventure on this earth.

My family has numerous examples of addiction: alcohol, drugs, shopping, unhealthy work habits, eating disorder and more. I guess that all the families have somehow similar stories. Personally, I am not here for preaching how good or perfect I am because I am not as nobody is. It is mostly that I want to share my experiences, what I learned from them, and I am still grasping. I have two nieces and a nephew and if I could, I would love them to read this post, not because they should not experience life and what it brings, but just to have a different perspective about it.

Nowadays, I am in a state of mind that gives me the opportunity to control my eating habits, drinking and my life in general. Of course, some days are better than others, but generally speaking I am in control. However, for example a couple of weeks ago I went out for drinks and I had that extra glass of wine that I should not have got. As a consequence, I felt like poisoned and I came to the conclusion that my body is not used to it anymore and most of all I understood that my brain does not want it, either. I do not desire to be poisoned more than what I am already every single day by other things like air pollution, all different preservatives and electrical pollution. I am not proud of my past experiences, of those nights when drinking seemed the answer, sounded like fun just because other people were doing, or due to the fact that society promoted it. I had my exposure to this type of life, but it is a complete closed chapter. To me fun is not drinking, and consuming wine or alcoholic beverages should be simply limited, controlled for a good dinner or a social divertissement. Just go out one night and observe other consumers while you are completely lucid, at that specific moment you will see how all the different substances control them rather than being simple drinks; they become so influential because people gave them so much power.

Talking about food, here comes another interesting chapter of my life. I was a lazy kid with a lot of appetite and two diversive parents. We used to make fun of my mom because she was literally eating like a bird. Sometimes, she was playing with the food like kids do; it was not that she did not enjoy the good Italian food, but to her just a teeny-tiny portion was more than alright. So many times she used to give me her leftovers and because of that I was eating like a person and a half. On the contrary, my dad was voracious. Luckily, to his metabolism he could control his weight when he was younger, but later on he started to get bigger. Once in a while he was going on a strict diet and give up on fats, carbs, alcohol for a month, but then going back to the old him. For most of my childhood, I was a chubby kid, and most of my relatives used to squeeze my cheeks and saying how cute I was. Of course, I enjoyed food and people surrounding me seemed to get even more enjoyment at seeing me eating that way. This lasted until one day, when with a friend, we decided that we needed to lose weight and do some exercise. That summer we used to swim every day and we started eating much less than we used to. That was the beginning of my “anorexic phase”: I got skinnier and slimmer, and I was so proud of myself. My relatives and friends kept pointing out how tiny I looked, but to me it was more as a compliment than a worry. I was glad to look at myself in the mirror and see bones; I could wear skinny pants, tees, and I accomplished what somebody defined as “physique du rôle”. Later on, I started to be less obsessed with my weight, even though I still cared. Nowadays, I found a new passion: working out. It had actually begun around 11 years ago when I had commenced to run in my native town in Italy. Although I had tried to be committed to sports before, it had never really worked, but then I discovered that doing some exercise can as matter of fact help you not just getting in shape physically, but also mentally. Of course, this is not the ultimate thing and you still have to work on yourself and your issues. Notwithstanding, working out can actually give you a big kick in your butt towards the right direction. Certainly, as any other things, it should come with moderation.

As to being controlled and cautious, for a long time I was not at all about shopping. Of course, that was another behavior due to other issues, a sort of dissatisfaction, a desire to be recognized, to be distinctive, to be part of a group, while my bank account was getting smaller and my closet full of unnecessary clothes and accessories. Do I regret it? Well, certainly I do it somehow, but as with other aspects of my life I am glad I did because I got some experience from it. If you give me 1,000 dollars now, I will not go shopping, but I will probably leave town and do something fun. We surround ourselves of so many material things to fill all the voids of our heart and brain when we all know that experiences are truly what can make us better people. With this said, I do not mean that I hate shopping, but instead I am stating the fact that not only it should be moderate, but occasionally done and just when we really need to make that purchase.

My journey towards happiness, peace is not done, yet. Every day I am learning something new and I am setting healthy boundaries to myself and to my surroundings. I am not perfect, but I am growing.



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