“True love You’re the one I’m dreaming of Your heart fits me like a glove And I’m gonna be true blue Baby, I love you …”
Halloween Day, 2015
Waking up early, preparing classes, going to the gym. I’m not making a statement, I’m just repeating what I heard. The theme of the day/night is drinking. Apparently, our society has elaborated this concept that drinking is equal fun: what to do tonight? Of course, the answer is drinking, get wasted, losing it because fun is alcohol.
Unfortunately, it is not drinking for enjoying a glass of wine, a cocktail, or your favorite drink. It is an escape from the real you, an attempt to be part of the crew and be accepted. It goes back to ancient times, to a tradition based on the idea that alcohol abuse is acceptable and even the consequences of it.
Cheers, to a good night, let all of you have fun and be responsible. As to me there will be just one glass of wine for my Halloween celebration because moderation is needed, it makes me stronger, healthier and shows control.
Everybody has some skeletons in the closet and more or less internal issues to deal with. Consequently, people face them in many different ways and as life is made of various cycles, all the several methods applied vary during our adventure on this earth.
My family has numerous examples of addiction: alcohol, drugs, shopping, unhealthy work habits, eating disorder and more. I guess that all the families have somehow similar stories. Personally, I am not here for preaching how good or perfect I am because I am not as nobody is. It is mostly that I want to share my experiences, what I learned from them, and I am still grasping. I have two nieces and a nephew and if I could, I would love them to read this post, not because they should not experience life and what it brings, but just to have a different perspective about it.
Nowadays, I am in a state of mind that gives me the opportunity to control my eating habits, drinking and my life in general. Of course, some days are better than others, but generally speaking I am in control. However, for example a couple of weeks ago I went out for drinks and I had that extra glass of wine that I should not have got. As a consequence, I felt like poisoned and I came to the conclusion that my body is not used to it anymore and most of all I understood that my brain does not want it, either. I do not desire to be poisoned more than what I am already every single day by other things like air pollution, all different preservatives and electrical pollution. I am not proud of my past experiences, of those nights when drinking seemed the answer, sounded like fun just because other people were doing, or due to the fact that society promoted it. I had my exposure to this type of life, but it is a complete closed chapter. To me fun is not drinking, and consuming wine or alcoholic beverages should be simply limited, controlled for a good dinner or a social divertissement. Just go out one night and observe other consumers while you are completely lucid, at that specific moment you will see how all the different substances control them rather than being simple drinks; they become so influential because people gave them so much power.
Talking about food, here comes another interesting chapter of my life. I was a lazy kid with a lot of appetite and two diversive parents. We used to make fun of my mom because she was literally eating like a bird. Sometimes, she was playing with the food like kids do; it was not that she did not enjoy the good Italian food, but to her just a teeny-tiny portion was more than alright. So many times she used to give me her leftovers and because of that I was eating like a person and a half. On the contrary, my dad was voracious. Luckily, to his metabolism he could control his weight when he was younger, but later on he started to get bigger. Once in a while he was going on a strict diet and give up on fats, carbs, alcohol for a month, but then going back to the old him. For most of my childhood, I was a chubby kid, and most of my relatives used to squeeze my cheeks and saying how cute I was. Of course, I enjoyed food and people surrounding me seemed to get even more enjoyment at seeing me eating that way. This lasted until one day, when with a friend, we decided that we needed to lose weight and do some exercise. That summer we used to swim every day and we started eating much less than we used to. That was the beginning of my “anorexic phase”: I got skinnier and slimmer, and I was so proud of myself. My relatives and friends kept pointing out how tiny I looked, but to me it was more as a compliment than a worry. I was glad to look at myself in the mirror and see bones; I could wear skinny pants, tees, and I accomplished what somebody defined as “physique du rôle”. Later on, I started to be less obsessed with my weight, even though I still cared. Nowadays, I found a new passion: working out. It had actually begun around 11 years ago when I had commenced to run in my native town in Italy. Although I had tried to be committed to sports before, it had never really worked, but then I discovered that doing some exercise can as matter of fact help you not just getting in shape physically, but also mentally. Of course, this is not the ultimate thing and you still have to work on yourself and your issues. Notwithstanding, working out can actually give you a big kick in your butt towards the right direction. Certainly, as any other things, it should come with moderation.
As to being controlled and cautious, for a long time I was not at all about shopping. Of course, that was another behavior due to other issues, a sort of dissatisfaction, a desire to be recognized, to be distinctive, to be part of a group, while my bank account was getting smaller and my closet full of unnecessary clothes and accessories. Do I regret it? Well, certainly I do it somehow, but as with other aspects of my life I am glad I did because I got some experience from it. If you give me 1,000 dollars now, I will not go shopping, but I will probably leave town and do something fun. We surround ourselves of so many material things to fill all the voids of our heart and brain when we all know that experiences are truly what can make us better people. With this said, I do not mean that I hate shopping, but instead I am stating the fact that not only it should be moderate, but occasionally done and just when we really need to make that purchase.
My journey towards happiness, peace is not done, yet. Every day I am learning something new and I am setting healthy boundaries to myself and to my surroundings. I am not perfect, but I am growing.
When I sit there In that weird position
I wish for peace
For me, you and
The people that I love.
I go through
All those awkward positions
With strange names.
I copy animal positions
I aim to the sky
I ask for forgiveness
And for eternal peace.
It is a growth.
I move towards
Will my heart
Will my brain
Be at rest?
I surround myself
Of positive vibes
I cover myself
With pure thoughts.
The meaning of life?
What gives you
The stillness of heart?
Love is always
You are love
And you reflect it!
Yesterday a friend took me to try hot yoga and not only I had the opportunity to experience something new, but I also got some inspirational facts from the instructor.
First of all, it was hot, really hot. I love the heat and I rarely complain about it. Of course I was still okay with the temperature; especially because every single day I have to deal with another thermal condition: the fucking air conditioning. I really hate it and it is not really a stereotype, but a truth that Americans love it and do not understand that you are only supposed to adjust it, only a few degrees lower than the external temperature. Right now I am on a bus that resembles a cellar in a supermarket. I guess the transportation system is trying to offer an additional service that is “frozen temperature to preserve your youth”.Secondly, it is well known that yoga is an ancient technique that help your mind and your body to stay young or at least not to age as a normal being would do without it. The first twenty minutes were a bit critical because working out in a hot room full of dripping bodies, some even attractive, is not so easy. We all know that yoga is about being spiritual and focus on the soul. However, the heat stimulates your sexual drive and you are almost tempted to switch from yoga to something else. The instructor was really helpful in pushing the class to move our thoughts to something more elective and God-related. In fact, she pointed out how our body is mainly the carrier of our soul and human beings are partly animal and partly an image of God. It is our mission in life to choose which part to nourish more. On one hand, we can decide to let our instinctual side take over: eat too much, drink excessively, get different addictions, be a sex slave, etc. ZOn the other hand, there is the possibility to elevate, be a “perfect” image of God and in order to achieve hat we will have to orientate our energy to our soul.
Lastly, the instructor surprised me referring to the equality between men and women, to LGBT, racial and religious beliefs. The ultimate idea is that none of the above-mentioned points matter in life because human beings are all the same; there is no difference and people, who do believe in the existence of them, got it all wrong.
In conclusion, I learned a lot from all this experience, I sweated a lot, I eliminated many toxins of my body, I elevated myself to a higher dimension in my path life towards the divinity. However, that elevation and spirituality did not last very long because since I got in the locker room my animalistic side took over and focused on the falling “sausages” and “watermelons” that were waking around. I guess that my sexual drive is still very high and my hormones are just fighting with God!
Life is a trip and you should never expect anything. In the mystery of it, you find out that it is more than a wheel of fortune or a “repetita juvant”. It is not only a “what goes around comes around” or a “recherche du bonheur”.
The final aim is as Beyoncé said is to be happy and no matter what we do, we are just human beings; we aim at getting happiness and offering it. However, our minds are way too complicated and our paths are so troubled that we struggle with ourselves and somehow as a consequence with others.
Our society dictates way too many conditions and rules. We set up a life of expectations and subsequent disappointments.
Probably, the only solution is to let your essence be protected by the guardian angels who will find a way to offer you peace, love and the ultimate wish of your heart and mind.