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When your mind is so full of creativity and you just have to find your way or someone, not only yourself who believes in you …

I am sure all of us had some moments when we questioned ourselves about the next step to make in order to feel more gratified. Some times it is not even that but more deeply to actually wonder about the reason why we should even care about doing more. 

In the past I believed that as long as I had money to pay bills, buy expensive clothes and do something fun, I was ok. I remember that once a person read my handwriting and she pointed out the fact that I had a lot of potential and that I should just venture mysel more.

Over 8 years ago I changed continent and of course I had to deal with all the bureaucratic system and to find a new way of supporting myself in the new environment. I found something that is way more exciting than what I used to do. 

No matter that, I still question myself and I have been working on my inner, spiritual essence. In the last two years I have progressed deeply, but there is always a sort of dissatisfaction that pushes me to do more, makes me complain about myself, and try something new. However, with the excitement comes also the fear but most of all the big question? What the heck am I doing this when all I want is maybe just to be naked at the beach? 

Somebody says that as long we have fun doing what we are doing, we are already on the right path. Day by day we get caught in a circle of interrogative sentences that nobody can answer but us. However, those questions will only find an answer when their time comes. 

Do things not for the outcome but for the pleasure. Am I writing this for me, for you or for whatsoever? I guess I’ll find out one day. 


Thank God I Like What I Do

Today is going to be a long day. My alarm had to buzz at 5:40, but some minutes before that I was already awake. Once jumped out of the bed, I headed to the bathroom with my head still full of all the night dreams. In the toilette I performed the usual activities that I do every single day: shower, fix my hair, I did not take a selfie, at least not this time. Then, moving like a pink panther because my spouse was still in bed, I got into the kitchen for one of my favorite meals, breakfast. I guess that just the idea of having an espresso can cheer me up, that is how much I love coffee. I ate some cereal with some soy milk. After that and having my bags finally prepared, I did my 5-minute inspirational, balancing yoga. Back to the toilette for some other business, I finally put my shoes on, some comfy ones because I will have to wear them for many hours, and rushed to the bus stop.

Of course, the bus was packed and while a minute before I was singing a very cheerful song by the Dee-Lite, I switched to a HYFR by Drake and cursing, at least in my mind, to see if those all f words would be propitious in order to get a seat. I was kind of lucky because in less than ten minutes I finally seated.

Once I got to school, I had to go straight to the toilette for a number 2. I do not know if it is due to the coffee, the workout, my diet, but I always poo “comme une vache”, as French would say. Class was fun and the new and old students actively participated, some of them even complimented me and appreciated my teaching and my personality.

After class I went outside to get a matcha tea, one of my favorite obsessions, practiced some lines for the play I am in, and took a walk with an ocean view. It was in that moment, when I was looking at the ocean and of course taking some shots of it that I thought about the fact that it would be great to be able to go down there rather than go to work. As much as I like what I do, it is still a job with a lot of responsibilities, annoying situations and people. Do not get me wrong, I am blessed to have finally not a job but two. However, wouldn’t it be better to be able to have enough money to go to the beach, to the gym and do other things instead of going to work?

Well, I guess it is not that day yet because after having that thought I went back to school for a couple of workshops. Yep, more work for a low salary that is definitely better than nothing, looool.

What is today lesson? To appreciate moments, to live the present for a better future. At the end of the day is all about the little things like waking up in the middle of the night because your spouse turns to your side and kisses you, being yourself no matter what other people think, living and loving and of course getting that spot on the warm sand with an ocean view.